You allow the kids to watch TV and eat on the couch, but your spouse won’t have it. Your partner only wants the kids to eat healthy foods, but you are more of an ‘everything in moderation’ kind of girl. What do you do if you are constantly disagreeing with your spouse or partner on how to raise the kids?
Whether you agree or disagree with your spouse, it’s important to show that you and your spouse are a united front in front of the kids. That doesn’t always mean you have to agree on everything, however. It’s OK for the kids to see you disagree respectfully about small matters. It’s helpful for them to listen to you find solutions together, using calm voices and facts, rather than emotions. This also teaches them how to better work out conflict of their own.
But how do you come to be that united front? Well first of all, let’s be real. It’s almost impossible for you and your spouse or partner to always be on the same page for parenting or anything for that matter. So let’s just shoot to be on the same chapter. In order to do this, we must really listen to one another and try to come up with a compromise. Make up a situation and then each write down how you would handle it. Do this a few times with a few different situations, and then discuss what you wrote down. You may have to give in a little to get closer to a compromise, but your spouse will have to as well.
That being said, You won’t be able to control every situation. So we must learn to accept the fact that things will go differently when your partner is in charge. This is OK just as long as you and your partner are in agreement about most of the bigger safety issues like wearing seat belts in the car and holding hands while crossing the street.
There also may be some underlying issues in your marriage which may be causing the disconnect in parenting. Perhaps your roles as mother and father are taking over most of your time (as is to be expected) and you are not making enough time to be husband and wife (or wife and wife, or husband and husband). If you believe this may be the case, make a concerted effort to carve out more time for each other (which may mean less time for the kids). Call the babysitter and plan more date nights. If you show your spouse you care about making time for them, they may be more likely to compromise with you, and you may find you may be able to get closer to being on the same chapter.